August 7, 2013
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Are we EVER prepared?
"I'm sending you a hug through the energy lines."
"Thank you. I feel it."
"Love you."
(quietly) "Goodbye."
Just got off the phone with my 90 year old mother. She had a temperature for a few days and was on my mind, and in my heart. We spoke about simple things like watermelon and vine ripened tomatoes. I retold her about my family so she wouldn't get confused trying to remember who was who. The dementia wasn't fighting for her brain at the moment, so she could follow my words or a least that's what I convince myself for my own comfort. She'll forget I called as soon as she hangs up. These conversations, I realize are for me. Me. Me. Me.
Mom is tired and wants to go. I understand it, but letting go of her is a process that holds family ties. My father passed when he was in his mid seventies. It shook the family tree. Now with Mom, dementia and wishing death to take her is a whole new ballgame. Where will we go from this place in time?
My oldest sister asked me to write Mom's obituary. I'm milling it over in my head...wishing it was an easier writing job. Listing family names and accomplishments seems easy, but for the writer me...how to express the true living in words...
I'll hold a space for "what's next." Think I'll go to the garden and let nature nurture.
(pats heart, and points to my mom)
Comments (11)
Lynn, this makes me tear up. I've had to write 2 eulogies/obituaries and it is never easy. I know the words will come from the heart no matter what they are. Consider yourself hugged.
When our friends and family are living a wonderful life we forget that eventually we all must pass on, and when the reality confronts us it can hurt. You might think the phone calls are just for you, but even if she forgets moments after hanging up, those moments are real and important to her in the now, when she is experiencing them. Do not under value them.Bless you and her, both.
I'm so sorry
I envy you.My eulogy for my mum would be....I'm glad she's dead.Oh how I wish I could feel what you feel! But I can't.Stay strong Lyne. Stay strong.
Aww, Lyne -- this makes me weepy! You'll do just fine with the obit -- give it time, and write it when you feel the inspiration. In the meantime, those short conversations about family and watermelons and tomatoes are important to both of you. If they're forgotten on the surface, they may be remembered inwardly -- and yes, they ARE for you! Remember that they call it "the long good-bye." Your mom will go when she's ready -- I remember being told many times that everybody does it in their own way and in their own time. Thinking of you with (((((hugs))))).
((((HUGS)))) I know...
Sending you love and peace... *hugs*
Thinking of you Kiddo, a very hard writing assignment.
She knows, she loves you, she is very tired....a difficult task that you have been asked to do, I do not envy your position. Your sisters are grateful you have accepted this assignment. Sending you energy and LOVE!
I don't even know how I will ever let go of my mom, I know that when it is time to write the words what you need to say will pour out. Love to you!
I have just read this post and I am wondering how those ultimate things are doing . Heartbreaking.LoveMichel