I was thinking about how the changes in me have been a work in progress. My inner calm, my pause before responding, my laughing at the silliness of of something I use to make such a big deal. 

Keep it simple and "right now" doesn't come without a price to pay.  Each day you add to the "flow of your go", and that takes some thought and making a choice about how you approach the bits of life coming at you from all corners at times.. We create our wonder with these choices. I personally love how a slow and happy smile comes to my face as I make a slice of peace within myself. It feels good. In the end we can find the beauty in ourselves and know that when shared, we've given a gift that will go on and on and on. 

Good progress to you too, Xangaland.  (pats heart, and points to you)

 Fall sneaks up on my part of the coast.  The chiller mornings say "stay in bed with some tea", but the sunny warmth that penetrates the fog says "get out and enjoy the day".

 I'll share the thought that although you might start feeling chilly this time of year and want the rest of the world to slow down and let you off, well, maybe with a warming love in your heart, you'll see things in a different light. 

Let yourself shine.  Here's some fall color for YOU!

(pats heart, and points to you)

Life is like a soulful lyric these days.

Brings tears to your eyes then you feel better and move on with a smile of knowing.

I still love people these days, even though a few angry ones have tried to pave my way.

Stepstones of life and living to jump over or avoid all together.

These days I have laughed so hard my sides hurt and I never complain. Not once. 

These days have me thinking about life and loss and what's left over for the memory box.

Surrendering, keeping on, letting music into my heart.  Keeps me sane and healthy for the new day.

My sense of humor is available to touch these days.  I've tickled it's fancy, and opened it to less rules.

Seriously.  I'm not that funny these days, but I'm on my way back.

I've left an opening for many happy returns and I see them every day.

You just have to have a possibility and it starts something.

These days might just mean more than any of them.

(pats heart, and points to you.)

Time has a way of passing. From this to that.  Time has a way of changing things, lessening the blow so our humanity can kick in.  Time needs that space to process and reconsider or set our convictions. Time can be a rascal, eh? When events become history we tend to open our minds to a larger view?

Then: Quote from Benjamin Estelle Lloyd - 1876

"The Barbary Coast is the haunt of the low and the vile of every kind. The petty thief, the house burglar, the tramp, the whoremonger, lewd women, cutthroats, murderers, all are found here. Dance-halls and concert-saloons, where blear-eyed men and faded women drink vile liquor, smoke offensive tobacco, engage in vulgar conduct, sing obscene songs and say and do everything to heap upon themselves more degradation, are numerous. Low gambling houses, thronged with riot-loving rowdies, in all stages of intoxication, are there. Opium dens, where heathen Chinese and God-forsaken men and women are sprawled in miscellaneous confusion, disgustingly drowsy or completely overcome, are there. Licentiousness, debauchery, pollution, loathsome disease, insanity from dissipation, misery, poverty, wealth, profanity, blasphemy, and death, are there. And Hell, yawning to receive the putrid mass, is there also."

@Bricker59 wants a fish story.

These things take time, and PATIENCE as fishing is like life.

It doesn't always give us what we were hoping for.

But if we keep throwing back our line and let the lesson be in the passing of time.

Well...we can stay afloat even when we thought we were sinking.

Just keep throwing that line, and although you may not get what you wanted, you'll find that there are wondrous catches out there in the sea of life. 

(pats heart, and points to you)

I remember flying a kite in this sky years back.  Seems a lifetime ago now, but that's the way of things.  We have a certain memory and we hold it like a candle to light the way.  Then pass the candle or blow it out only to reach for another to guide our feet.

Ghirardelli Square, where I played on the steps around the fountain in my go-go boots.  Where I reflected as I licked ice cream off a cone.  Where I circled that same fountain after coming from a older friend's funeral.  The same place I laughed my head off on a carefree day realizing that I was in love as I sat on those steps with the fountain flowing behind me. And that rainy day walking slowly in the mist holding hands with my man, warmed by a moment by the fountain where I let myself fall into his arms on those steps and just knew that I was going to take a journey in living with him.  

 I looked to the sky each one of those visits.  Always thankful for the opening above me.   Always looking to make the connection more that just here on the ground level of living.  Stretching the possibilities, or lifting the idea.  Reminded my heart that I'm the one who allows the opening and lifting. 

This trip all five of us were there.  I didn't share my memories as they have their own to gather.  I just let myself slip into a moment to recall and I looked up to the sky.

Well sort of the rest, as our minds can process and twist and justify a whole new story if one is willing.

From what part of my process did my post come from?  Here's the stream of consciousness from there in the silence of the dark.

She's going to be seeing Mom, she only knows her from the depth of dementia.... doesn't really know Gary's folk...when did we stop traveling up north?...she must have been 4...a lifetime ago for her.. wow, I can feel my energy level..low.  Damn stomach ache...feels like a knife in my.. gut... family root chakra...hmmm..I wonder what she's thinking about....

 Breathe for a moment or five.  It feels so good to lay down, stretch out and just let go.

"so how are you feeling about this trip?"

(pats heart, and points to you)

We let the darkness fill the quiet of the room.  We lay there, lost in our own thoughts.

I broke the silence, "so how are you feeling about this trip?

"Scared, excited, happy, sad."

"Me too."

She reacted with a sharp intake of breath like my response has shocked her.

Very quietly she said, "Why?"

"Because we're both human."

She let the breath go, and reach across and hugged me.

Silence blanketed the room once again, and we remained in the darkness, lost in our own thoughts.

   I haven't had a good nights sleep for awhile.  I make jokes about sleep, or lack of it to help me through a tough day that came from a sleepless night.  I thought that when I got busy, or rather busier that I'd sleep deep and have trouble waking.  Nope. Sleep is a shorter time for me now and I have surrendered to it's hold on me.  I go to bed when I feel like drifting off and get the heck up when I wake even if it's 4am. I sit in the quiet of a early morning and let that be the rest I needed.  I let it be enough.  I know how to meditate and breathe deep, but I also know when I need to process and hold on so I can eventually understand what keeps me up.  I don't think it's the work.

   Someone asked me the other day how I could stay so calm when others are freaking out around me.  I told them I liked the idea that I can welcome something onto my gameboard of life, accept the unexpected as a challenge to over come, or to step aside and let the drama past right on by.  "Bye Bye drama. Move along little punk!" I pick my lane and then try my best to glide on through with out too much rough water. 

   Oh don't get me wrong, I have earthquakes that go off inside me too, but I'm finding more and more the power of my breathing brings me back to sanity and I find that I've overreacted and feel a bit embarrassed by my behavior.  I'm a learn quickly what does not serve me kind of person.  I practice it daily.  The busier I become the more I'm subjected to more of other people's stuff.  My defense is to knock them off guard with a smile or some humor as my mind assesses the situation. Click click click or sometimes clank clank clack goes the wheels in my head.  I have also been known to say, "I need a minute here to come up with a witty comment so we can change up the negative direction we're going with this...whatever it is." 

  It's summer, kids are off from school and I'll be heard through the next fast moving months of vacation to say, "nice try" or "I'm sorry, the complaint department closed on June 8 at 5pm and is not due to open until August 18 at 7am."  Maybe this year I'll change it up and tell them the complaint department has not been able to find a skilled employee, so unless they'd like to fill the position, they can take the higher road.  Yes, my children think I'm crazy, "And I mean that in a nice way Mom," they tell me. 

Pick your lane.  I'll see you at the other end.