April 26, 2011

• Is It A Gift?

      Music brings the emotions to the surface for me.  As a vocalist, I find the passion in the song and the words are wrapped in the vibration of the message as they come out of my body. With some songs, I have to work through the emotion of the message so I can sing it or rather perform it without falling apart.  Bring the passion, but harness the tears so I don't choke mid lyric.   

  Some say love, it is a river

  That drowns the tender reed

  Some say love, it is a razor

  That leaves your soul to bleed

  Some say love, it is a hunger

  An endless aching need

  I say love, it is a flower

  And you, its only seed

   

  It’s the heart, afraid of breaking

  That never learns to dance

  It’s the dream, afraid of waking

  That never takes the chance

  It’s the one who won’t be taken

  Who cannot seem to give

  And the soul afraid of dying

  That never learns to live

   

  When the night has been too lonely

   And the road has been too long

  And you think that love is only

  For the lucky and the strong

  Just remember in the winter

  Far beneath the bitter snow

  Lies the seed

  That with the sun’s love, in the Spring

  Becomes the rose

   

  

      This song has been choking me up for days.  I suppose it's my heart that starts the trouble.  I think I have felt every one of the "some says" at one time or another within the same relationship.  The lyrics take me through my own awakening and I may just feel too exposed as I sing this song.  I start off strong and the emotion hits me with the last line of the first verse; And you, it's only seed.  I have to check myself, right there. "Breathe" I think to myself.  Then the next verse sets the stage as I travel through my own fears from my past. Fear of failure, so I never did this or that. Not just with love, but with life!  By the time I start on the third verse, I'm locked into the emotion that has been growing, increasing, building momentum and finally bubbles up to the surface. The question of what the heck I'm doing at 52 years old singing again and trying to keep the balance between family and "what about me?"  And then what about me and my man?  Will we ever find a space for us again?  The us that didn't feel so pushed to find yet another source of income as gas prices soar and our children's basic needs get more  expensive? Are we lost in the storm of survival? Maybe The Rose is the opening for all this to come out and not be tucked away, ignored and left hidden. 

   

     This time in my live has many new beginnings and endings arriving at the same time. A college bound son looking toward his future. Another son crossing the bridge into teen years.  A vibrant ten year old daughter bouncing headstrong into a upper grade dimension.  A 90 year old mother. Sisters who don't know each other anymore. New friends who are becoming like sisters.  I've thrown myself back into music and find that it's been waiting to show me more about myself when I thought it would be just a refresher course of sorts.  I guess I never got to this point the last time around.  Anyway...between the life and the music, I'm feeling sort of tender these days. Deep inside I know that when I can sing this without falling into a voice cracking expression of puddled emotions, I will be on the other side looking back at the gift of The Rose. 

     I apologize to all of you who I have missed reading and sharing with as I have been so busy in many aspects of my life.  I'm trying to read my subs, but I'm not commenting much.  This is just what it is for now.  Please know that I wish a rose to each of you as you walk through the emotions of your day.  Breathe deep.

  (pats heart and points to you and you and, hey, I see you over there. You know this pat's for you too)

  • 1:25 pm
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