June 19, 2011
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Unbreakable Connections
I remember the conversation like it was yesterday. We were saying our goodbyes, but not admitting it. He was thinner than I'd ever seen him and no one was mentioning it.
"Take care of yourself honey."
"I will." There was a long silence and then I broke it with a laugh."
"What's so funny?" he asked quietly.
"I was just thinking how you'll have a better view of me. You'll be able to check in with me anytime you want." He smiled and gave me a hug. I hung on to him for a long time and let the tears come. I didn't see my father again. The damn cancer won, but I felt his presence at the funeral. Since then I call on him when I need to fix a screen door or the car isn't working right. He had that knack of getting down to the problem. I try to channel it when I have a task that feels a bit overwhelming. Something always gives out when I call on his skills. It's amazing how that works. I suppose leaving the door open for connections can do that for you.
Father's Day in a few hours and it just hit me how much I miss having a father. He's still in my heart, maybe more so as I can appreciate all of him rather than just the father aspect.
Anyway... If you're a father, go hug your children. Be the last one to let go. I don't think I got enough of those even if I did.
Thank goodness for unbreakable connections.
Comments (18)
that's wonderful and so true. it might sound strange but when my dad died i wasn't sad. my step mom said to me, "You know, you're father thought the world of you", and i answered simply, "I know" and i did know. i think of him often and the things he showed me by his example and words.
@TheSutraDude - I knew my dad loved me, but I know it more now. Hugs to you!
I still miss my dad, some 42 years later! When I need his presence, I go to the seashore (his ashes were scattered at sea) for some quiet meditation. I love your comment about his having a better view of you!
@slmret -
The higher you go, the better the view. 
I envy you.
I still remember my last conversation with my Dad, I still can't repeat it.He had such concerns for the people and things he was leaving behind.
My dad's been gone for 11 years and barely a day goes by that I don't think about him. Hugs to you this Father's Day.
I am all teary eyed. He sounds like a wonderful father.
I didn't write about my Dad or my step dad today. I'm not sure why but I feel sad that I forgot. This brought tears to my eyes. I do the same - call on them when I need a hand with a difficult task. My step-father used to swear in German while he worked when he got frustrated. I do that too even though I don't even know what the words mean. He didn't speak to me for the last ten years of his life but I feel that now from higher up he truly knows and understands who I am. I loved him very much. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to say that.
"Looking back at the things I've done, I was trying to be someone. I played my part, kept you in the dark. Now let me show you the shape of my heart."
{Backstreet Boys}
@Bricker59 - Happy Father's Day Thom. You rock!
@DistantShipSmoke - Oh yeah. I can't imagine the things mine felt were left unsaid, undone, incomplete. He went too soon, but then we have no control over changing this, so we move on holding them close to our hearts. HUGS!
@WakeUpLaughing - Hey Bubbles. Right back atcha!
@murisopsis - He was the father of five girls who had five sisters. He was a patient man indeed. Brave too.
@nurseynursey - Thank you for sharing your love of him. Probably best that he said thoses words in German.
@RulerofMasons -
Here's one to show you the shape of mine, and yes it smiles a lot.
I admire your heart for your father.
So sorry for the loss of your Father and I am grateful my sons have the wonderful relationship with their Father that they do even though he and I are divorced.
My father passed away when I was 18 (almost 33 years ago!) and I still miss him like crazy! I talk to him all the time, asking him to speak to God on my behalf if he gets the chance!
@WildWomanOfTheWest - I love and loved my father and I didn't understand my father at all. In a home with 6 females it was easy for him to disappear into the garage and beyond. Always something needing to be done. (I get it now) I hung out with him when I was younger because I wanted to be outside. I mowed the lawn and planted blubs. I was a self entertaining kid, so it was easy for me to not really connect with anyone out there. Then we lost each other for a long time. He was disappointed in me I think even though he'd never admit it. I got to know him better before he died and now I carry his connection. I get it now. Why am I telling you this? I'm getting more and more clear on it all. (pats heart and points to you)
@Tymedancer_is_Grannyinboxers - Thank you. It great when sons get along with their father. What a blessing indeed.
@heart_beep -
Put in a good word for ya, eh? Smart planning. HUGS!
My Dad's been gone for many years, yet I still miss him. We should never neglect our dear ones for the sake of the world's problems. Those problems we wiil always have to play with, at any time; our dear ones, we will not.
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